I don't say that proudly, so don't assume I'm a heathen so quickly. When my husband and I got married he was already an active member of a church, so naturally I started attending his church. When our first baby was born I knew that we would have issues with attending church because I was not planning to leave our son in the nursery without us. I tried to bring him into the sanctuary with us, but once he became a little noisy and squirmy people would stare, some would actually ask us to take him out (he wasn't that noisy), and I would have to leave the sanctuary. I usually took him into the nursery and sat there with him, the nursery workers, and the other children.
When he was nine months old we moved to a different city and embarked on a very difficulty, yet edifying, spiritual journey: finding a church. If I remember correctly, we visited seven churches. Every church bombarded us with flyers about their wonderful children's programs, and well-meaning people reminded us over and over again that they had a nursery staffed with trained (sometimes) caregivers. We attended one church several times and thought that it might be "the one," so I caved to everyone's suggestions and let my 11-month-old son go to the nursery. The nursery worker was an older woman and there was only one other child in her care. The children's minister assured me that if there was any problem they would flash my child's number across the screen in the sanctuary so I would know to check on him. It seemed like a good nursery situation. I was a nervous wreck throughout the entire service. As soon as the final prayer was said I bolted to the nursery, only to find my son crying. The first and only words out of the nursery worker's mouth were, "He cried the whole time." I was furious. What's the point in having a paging system if you're not going to utilize it?! My poor baby. So we tried a different church and this time when he became noisy I took him to the nursery and stayed with him. The nursery worker kept trying to convince me to leave. At one point she left me in the room alone with the children for several minutes. This was not the church for us either. What if she left my son alone with some stranger? Actually, she was a stranger. What if I left my son alone with her? Why was it so difficult to find a good church?! We weren't asking for much, really. All we wanted was a church that was welcoming to children worshiping and learning along with the adults. I'd imagine the early church welcomed this. We did find a church with a cry room, which I don't necessarily agree with, but thought it might be tolerable. For those of you who don't know, a cry room is a room where parents can sit with their young children who are being disruptive to the service. It usually has speakers wired so that parents can still hear the sermon. Unfortunately, when I took my son to the cry room the other kids were mean, as usual, and their parents weren't watching them. They were just talking with one another. So that wasn't going to work. What was the point of me even going to church? I didn't ever get to listen to a sermon, and there was never an opportunity to fellowship with other families. Sure, they had adult Sunday School and Bible studies, but children were not welcome. The purpose of church is to fellowship with, learn from, and worship with other believers, and we were not able to do any of that. After my husband finished college we moved to our current city. This time we had two little kids. Again we continued our journey of finding a church. We visited about five churches. The one we thought we had decided on was everything we were looking for as far as preaching and teaching. The pastor was very sincere in his devotion to God, and the church had a Christian school and a homeschool group, so they obviously valued Christian education highly. But the service was still not child-friendly. Every time we went inside the sanctuary with our children people would tell us about the children's program. I finally gave in once again and let my son go to the three-year-old Sunday School class. Sunday School was just for 90 minutes per week. How much could my son be negatively influenced in that 90 minutes? And at least these were kids of church-going people. I regret that decision so much and it makes me sad to even think about it. My son was so excited about Sunday School. He had his backpack with his snack and drink and I told him there would be toys and other kids. I also told him Mama and Daddy would be in the sanctuary for a little while but would come back to get him soon. He was at the age where he understood that. When we walked into the room there was one girl screaming and dragging her head on the floor. My son looked horrified. We quickly stepped over her and headed for the play kitchen. I showed my son the kitchen toys and then some kid ran over to us, took the toy out of my hand, threw it on the floor, and started yelling something in jibberish. My son was trying to hold back tears as I told him I would have to leave for a little while but would be back later. He began to cry. I took him to the teacher and she introduced herself but didn't offer to hold him or play with him or anything. So he just stood there beside the teacher, holding back tears, feeling sad and lonely, as we made our way to the sanctuary. The children's minister told me it was normal for kids to cry as they get used to being without Mom and Dad, and that it would be good for him. I wanted to tell her, "Thank you for validating the fact that you know nothing about child development and attachment, and for making me feel even worse about what I just did." We ended up leaving the service early because I just couldn't stand myself. I'm his mother. I know what's best for him--not some children's minister or volunteer nursery worker. If we can't find a church that welcomes children then we just won't go to church. There was supposedly a sign in/sign out procedure. I had a sticker with my son's number on it and I was supposed to give it to the teacher so that she could match it up with the sticker on my son's shirt, identifying me as his parent. But when I went to pick him up there were two new teachers in the room, the one I had left him with was gone, and no one asked me for the sticker. I asked them how he was. They said he cried some and that he's such a sweet boy, and asked if he was three (he had just turned three, whereas everyone in the class was closer to four). I hated that. He was already a late talker. With that, and being the youngest in the class, he had a difficult time communicating with the other kids. Shortly after we left, my husband and I noticed a red mark across our son's face. I assumed he scratched himself on a toy or something but thought I'd take him back to the classroom and ask the volunteers if they knew what it was from. One lady ignored me and the other said, "Maybe he fell, I don't know," and walked away. This is supposedly a church with one of the best children's programs in the city! I guess that's because of the pretty murals on the walls and the huge donated McDonald's play structure in the basement. My son couldn't speak well enough to tell me what happened, other than letting me know that he didn't have fun. So I left, very upset, and this time decided that my kids would never go to nursery or Sunday School again. I'm just glad my daughter has never had to experience that. About a year after that incident, when my son learned to communicate better, he told me that when he was at Sunday School that day the kids were mean to him, screamed at him, took toys from him, and made him cry. But the teacher was nice, he said. So we haven't been to church in about two years. I have had no regrets about that decision. I know what you're thinking. I've heard it before: If they don't experience children being mean to them they won't be prepared for adulthood. WRONG. Since when do adults get screamed at and have toys snatched out of their hands while they're going about their day? And besides that, I want to teach my kids about God. Explaining Biblical concepts to young children is a delicate balancing act and if I send my children to Sunday School I have no idea what they are being taught, how it is being taught, or what my children might be confused about. It's my responsibility anyway. Our kids are three and almost five now. They are finally able to sit fairly quietly during a church service. We will probably try attending church again soon. I still don't think there will be much opportunity for fellowship though, since we are not willing to put our children in child care while we go to an event for adults only. A few months ago I was talking to a friend about our difficulty finding a church and she told me about a website called The National Center for Family Integrated Churches where you can search for churches in your area that implement a family-integrated (also called age-integrated) worship model. I was thrilled and relieved to learn that there are people like me! These churches come in all different shapes, sizes, and denominations, but all hope to restore the biblical pattern of age-integrated worship, discipleship, and evangelism. These churches believe that families benefit spiritually from worshiping together, that parents (not Sunday School teachers or youth pastors) are responsible for the child's spiritual development, and that young people need to learn from adults, which cannot happen when the children are in a completely different room (or even a completely different building) from the adults. It's time for the church to stop spending money on toys, DVD curricula, and play structures, and start investing their time, money, and energy into equipping parents, so that they feel confident enough to disciple their own children. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
10 Comments
Doctors usually tell parents the benefits of vaccines, but neglect to inform them of the dangers. In this post I will go through each of the vaccines that babies and children receive, and tell you why some parents choose to decline the vaccine. Let's begin with the one that is given just minutes after birth. Hepatitis B- Hepatitis B is a virus that can cause liver damage, failure, and cancer. It can be transmitted sexually, through an IV drug needle, or by getting a tattoo with a needle that isn't sterilized. Many parents feel that this vaccine is unnecessary for newborns, since they do not engage in such risky behavior. Hepatitis B is transmitted the same way as HIV, so it is possible that a child who lives with a Hepatitis B carrier could eventually contract the disease. Doctors recommend this vaccine for all newborns because it can be passed from mother to baby. However, many parents who do not themselves have Hepatitis B feel that this vaccine is unnecessary for their newborn. It could come with serious vaccine reactions, such as lupus, worsening of neurological disorders, asthma, paralysis, seizures, rapid heart rate, and anaphylaxis. Many parents choose to delay this vaccine for a few years, or until the teenage years, when sex, drugs, and tattoos could become an issue. But it is important to know that teenagers experience fewer complications with the disease. Ninety-five percent of Hep B cases in teens and adults pass within one month without lasting symptoms, as the immune system fights it off. This vaccine contains aluminum and formaldehyde. Look into what each of these ingredients does once inside the body, before deciding to give this vaccine to your child. Polio- We've all seen pictures of crippled polio victims, which scares us. We don't want our kids to become crippled. Unfortunately, doctors rarely tell parents that wild polio has been eradicated from the U.S. since 1979. However, there have been 145 cases of polio caused by the oral live polio vaccine. The oral live polio vaccine has now been replaced with a killed polio vaccine which does not allow the vaccine to spread the virus. Polio does exist in India and some parts of Africa so if you plan on traveling to these areas this may be an important vaccine for you. But even then, most polio cases go unnoticed, without any symptoms. Some experience cold-like symptoms but never know they have polio. Only one in 250 people infected with polio experience muscle weakness or paralysis. In 2002 the journal Lancet published an article stating that there was compelling evidence that contaminated polio vaccine was responsible for up to half of the 55,000 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma cases that were occurring each year. The vaccine was contaminated by SV40, which is a cancer-causing monkey virus, and the vaccine manufacturers knew it! With the rise of overall disease in our country, it makes me wonder what other diseases vaccines are causing. Diphtheria, Tetanus, and Pertussis- This is a three-in-one vaccine, called DTaP. Diphtheria and tetanus can both be serious diseases. Fortunately, both are extremely rare, with diphtheria being basically non-existent in the United States. Pertussis (Whooping Cough) is usually the reason why parents choose to get this vaccine for their children. If you've ever seen a child with pertussis having a coughing fit you know that it is scary. However, the pertussis component of the DTaP is not very effective. Do you remember the 2010 pertussis outbreak in California? Pharmaceutical companies, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), and the American Medical Association (AMA) wanted everyone to believe that the outbreak was due to unvaccinated children. But in fact, 81% of those who were stricken with the disease were completely vaccinated, and another 11% had received at least one shot. In addition to being ineffective, this vaccine is one of the most reactive. The most common reaction is a rash or swelling at the injection site, which can sometimes cause swelling of the entire arm. Doctors shrug this off and say, "it's a common reaction." But if there is a reaction on the outside, there is probably a reaction at the cellular level that we are unaware of. There is also convincing evidence that the pertussis component of the vaccine is linked to asthma and allergies. Many parents feel that they'd rather not risk a reaction from this vaccine, since it is not very effective anyway. Rotavirus- This is an intestinal virus that causes diarrhea and vomiting, similar to the stomach flu. In most cases it simply causes loose stools for a few days. Most of us had it as infants and all that is usually needed to recover is good nutrition, fluids, and rest. In severe cases it can lead to dehydration. In addition to the mildness of the disease, another reason why parents choose to forgo this vaccine is because of the controversial ingredients, such as polysorbate 80, monkey kidney cells, fetal cow blood, and pig virus contaminants. A practicing pediatrician once told me that this vaccine is an elaborate money-making scam. HIB & Pneumococcal- These are separate vaccines but I put them together because they are both known as "meningitis vaccines." HIB and Pneumococcal are both bacterial diseases that live within our nose and throat region. Usually it poses no harm, and we go about our lives without realizing we are carrying diseases around. The problem with the HIB & Pneumococcal vaccines is that there is this process called serotype replacement. This is when we vaccinate for one strain of a bacterial disease, and then another strain of those same bacteria or completely different bacteria take its place in the nose or throat. Then we need a vaccine for this new disease, and so on. There is no way to eliminate all diseases. Pharmaceutical companies love this. Measles, Mumps, and Rubella- This is another three-in-one vaccine, called the MMR. Measles causes fever, rash, runny nose, and cough. It lasts for about a week and then all is well again. Occasionally, as with any illness, there can be complications. Mumps can cause fever and swelling of the salivary glands. In most cases it goes unnoticed because it will simply present itself as a sore throat or cold. There are only 25 mumps cases per year, most mild. Rubella is a mild viral illness which lasts for three days and usually presents with a low-grade fever, swollen glands, rash, and fatigue. The reason why this vaccine is given is to prevent congenital rubella syndrome in babies. Congenital rubella syndrome occurs when a pregnant woman contracts rubella in her first trimester. Her unborn baby is at risk for birth defects or miscarriage. Therefore, doctors recommend vaccinating children for rubella in order to protect their teachers and other pregnant women with whom they may come into contact. I believe that parents should be informed of this, so that they can decide if they would like to risk their child's well-being "for the greater good." From 2001 to 2004, four Congenital Rubella cases were reported to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). The MMR has been in the spotlight for many years now, due to the growing number of parents who have told similar stories of the MMR causing autism in their children. As much as the American Medical Association denies the link, there is mounting scientific evidence that their stories are valid. This vaccine also contains controversial ingredients, one of which is aborted baby cells. Flu- We're all familiar with this one. We are bombarded with influenza vaccine advertising every fall. One year, my son's friend received his flu vaccine and contracted the flu (from the vaccine), and then passed it to my children. This is called vaccine shedding. Live virus vaccines, such as the flu vaccine given to young children, shed. Therefore, these three children caught the flu from the vaccine itself. The flu vaccine also contains mercury, aluminum, and formaldehyde. The combination of the three is believed by many scientists to cause Alzheimer's disease. And, a recent study found that the flu vaccine actually doesn't prevent the flu. You can read about it here. Varicella (Chickenpox) - Many parents believe that the chickenpox vaccine is excessive since most of us had chickenpox and got over it. But the upcoming generation of parents who have themselves been vaccinated against chickenpox will not be familiar with it. Many parents will be afraid that their child will contract the dreaded disease, much like parents my age are afraid of measles. The vaccine is not very effective, but if we would just let our children get chickenpox, they would have lifelong immunity. Because of the chickenpox vaccine, we are now seeing an epidemic of shingles in adults. You can read about it here. HPV- This vaccine is recommended at age 11, when some girls become sexually active. It is highly reactive, and as of 2012, the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) has received reports of thousands and thousands of adverse events. 517 of these were life-threatening, and 119 resulted in death. I will allow the vaccine victims in this video to share their personal stories. You have options! You could follow the full vaccination schedule recommended by the CDC, you could spread out or delay vaccines, or you could decline them. Dr. Bob Sears offers an alternative vaccine schedule that is intended for parents who plan to get all the vaccines for their child but want to slow down and spread out the schedule. This can be found in his book, The Vaccine Book. Whatever your decision is, make sure that you feel good about it. If you don't vaccinate you should be willing to accept the fact that your child could contract a serious illness that could have been prevented by vaccination. And if you do vaccinate, you should be willing to accept the fact that your child may experience a serious vaccine reaction. Do your research, pray, make a decision, and stop worrying. Also make sure that you understand your reasons well enough to be able to educate your pediatrician. I recommend finding a pediatrician who is supportive of your right to choose a vaccine schedule that you feel is appropriate for your child. Dr. Sears has compiled a list of vaccine friendly doctors, but they are few and far between. We drive 35 minutes to see our pediatrician, even though there are tons within five minutes of our home. It's totally worth it. Vaccines are a personal issue that should be weighed carefully, based on the uniqueness of your children. During my first pregnancy I spent my free time researching vaccines and I came up with a protocol that I feel is best for my kids. I understand that other parents may perform the same amount of research and come to a different decision, based on that same information. Let's be respectful of one another please! When my son was a toddler my husband and I wanted him to experience the whole magical Santa thing, as we did when we were kids. But after one year of celebrating this way with our son we didn't feel right about it, so we let him eventually forget about it. Now, I don't think that children will be scarred for life if they are led to believe that Santa comes to their house to bring them presents. I celebrated that way and I'm not scarred. But we want to make sure that our kids know at a very young age that there is only one who is all-knowing and omnipresent: God. We don't want them to believe that there is anyone else who can see them or who knows what presents they want.
We also pray for missionaries around the world, sponsor a child in another country, and pack boxes for Operation Christmas Child. Our kids know that around the world there are children who are in need and suffering, and that as Christians it is our responsibility to help. So we decided to teach our kids about who Santa/St. Nicholas really was: a Christian whose desire was to spread the love of Jesus and help the poor. We read a book titled St Nicholas: The Real Story of the Christmas Legend by Julie Stiegemeyer. This has been a wonderful teaching tool! It depicts St. Nicholas as a jolly man with a white beard in a red robe. This helps our kids to make the connection between St. Nicholas in the story and the Santa that they see displayed in other books and decorations. At the end of the book it explains that the reason why we give gifts today is to continue the tradition of giving to others, as St. Nicholas did. For older kids I also recommend the book The Story of St. Nicholas by Cheryl Odden. You can purchase it from Voice of the Martyrs. It is a more historically accurate account of St. Nicholas's life and doesn't depict him as a jolly man with a white beard. You may be thinking that our kids are missing out because Santa doesn't bring them presents; not at all. They have fun pretending and watching movies of Santa flying in a sleigh with deer and sliding down chimneys. But they know that it's pretend, just like fairies, leprechauns, and Barney the talking dinosaur. To them it is a make-believe game. Our kids receive gifts from us, but not a ton. We also try to make Jesus more important than the gifts, of course. We listen to a lot of Christian Christmas music. We also listen to Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. But more often than not we are listening to Silent Night, Oh Come all Ye Faithful, and Angels We Have Heard on High. We decorate with nativity scenes, but we also decorate with Santa and snowmen. The only thing I don't like to decorate my house with is presents (like ornaments that are presents or present stocking holders and such). I just try to keep the focus off of the material things. I know that there are some Christians who feel convicted about celebrating Christmas at all. I think that's fine. There was a time when I felt uneasy about certain pagan origins like the Christmas tree. It's true, the Christmas tree has pagan origins. But the way I see it is, what Satan uses for evil, we can use for good. While the Christmas season is full of materialism and extravagance, we don't have to partake in that. And while the season is surrounded by pagan traditions, so is just about any other holiday. Even our wedding rings that we wear every day have pagan origins. We're never going to be able to get away from it. But we can claim the season for Jesus. I would love to hear how you celebrate Christmas and other holidays around this time of year, so please share! After my post yesterday about how awful TV can be for kids I thought I would write about shows that I think are great for kids! I'm not against TV, I just think we should carefully select the shows our kids watch, and limit TV watching. In case you didn't know, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV before age two (this includes background TV), and no more than two hours per day after age two. I'm also not a fan of flashy, fast-paced shows. I don't think it's good for a kid's brain. Here are our favorites:
Little Bear: Ahh, Little Bear. Even saying that makes me want to relax. It's like the classical music of the cartoon world. I used to watch it when I was a kid and I loved Little Bear's imagination. My son and daughter both have wonderful imaginations thanks in part to him. I also love the cute little phrases that Little Bear, and now my kids, say. You can get these on VHS at Amazon or Ebay. The Busy World of Richard Scarry: I used to watch this when I was little as well. I love that it demonstrates all of the people in a community working together. It's also calm and teaches letters, numbers, manners, nursery rhymes, and so much more. I'm not a fan of the newer Busytown videos, which are more flashy than the older videos. We have found many of these on VHS at thrift stores. Signing Time: Ever since before my kids were born I was excited to teach them sign language. I borrowed many children's sign language DVDs from the library and none compare to these. We began with Baby Signing Time when my children were toddlers and moved on to Signing Time by the time they were about two years old. We also listen to the Signing Time songs on CD. My kiddos now know hundreds of signs and use them daily! Most public libraries carry the Signing Time DVDs. Curious George: I love that George learns a new life lesson in each episode. And at the end of the episode we get to watch real-life kids demonstrating what George learned: everything from composting to playing with pipes and water, to cooking with local produce. My kids are big Curious George fans. Their interest began with the Curious George books. Barney: This was my favorite show as a kid. I remember watching it and feeling like I was in a magical fairy tale land. Plus it teaches colors, shapes, numbers, letters, manners, and healthy relationships. It's an all-around wonderful show. We have found all of our Barney videos on VHS at thrift stores. I don't care for the newer episodes that I've seen recently on PBS Kids. They don't feel as magical to me. Word World: This is a new favorite. Everything in Word World is made of...words! All of the animal characters are made up of the letters that spell the word they are. It's really neat to see. The word friends go on adventures and face challenges that can only be resolved with the right word. That word is built letter by letter, or sound by sound. Once the word is built, it changes into the thing it is! Sid the Science Kid: My kids love to investigate, explore, and discover, which is why we like Sid the Science Kid. Plus the songs are catchy. On a side note, I think the teacher on Sid has a pretty sweet deal. She seems to have an entire school all to herself, with every teaching resource imaginable, and only four students! No wonder she's so enthusiastic! |